||[Sep. 3rd, 2010|08:04 am]
so i've been awake since ... i don't know, 6.30, cant sleep, stressing about my calorie consumption yesterday! DAMMIT why do i keep doing this?? |
got a bottle of vodka last night with the intention of having a drink or two with my guy after dinner and just chilling... and now the whole bottle is gone?? I'm counting back and i reckon i had 5 drinks (with diet mixer... lets call it 320cal, holy fuck), which leaves... 18 drinks. T is drinking way too much lately anyway but we weren't even drunk and....
fuck he's such a bad influence. I get mad cos he's not supportive but then i remember that he doesn't know that i'm trying to be as tiny as i can. (also i don't actually let him know i'm mad, i just AM mad.)
now i'm just feeling shitty, not hungover, just full of fail and hate and anger and i have classes today, 10-12 then 3hour break then 3-4. And if i come home in my break i'll be tempted to eat shit, and i really can't handle that today :(
Plus T is going out drinking again tonight (friday night drinks which turn into him visiting all the bars around town where he knows people who work there, usually chicks, and being what he calls a "rockstar" which is essentially a 31 year old who was a barman til he was 30 so he knows a tonne of people who pour piss, which is nowhere near as cool as he thinks it is) then he'll come home and keep drinking and i'll want to join him... and i just feel like i don't want to be around the house this weekend because it's just going to mean caloriescaloriescalories :(
On the plus side, it's Spring now, and i'm trying to tell myself the weather is already looking warmer (yesterday was pretty nice), but the worst rain in 12years is forecast for the state on Saturday, which means.... staying in with DVDs and wine, which sounds gorgeous to normal-me, but diet-me knows its just going to feel bad. and i don't even want to think about the calories.
sorry, woke up feeling crap. and its not even that time of the month :(
disclaimer: T is a really, really, really wonderful boyfriend and i love him with all my heart and wouldn't trade him for anyone. but being with someone who likes to indulge is really hard when you're trying not to.